~~i had a dream~~

In my dream, even though I could only see a segment of the line, I knew that all of God’s people were lined up shoulder to shoulder. The question “Are you ready?” was posed. Although it wasn’t stated, the inference was ‘to go to heaven.’ As “yes” came from each person’s mouth, a very kind and knowing voice said, “You don’t have to make that decision today.” (As if this were one of the many check points in a Christian’s life.) As I reconsidered my ‘yes’ I realized that no, I was not ready. I have a young family, a healthy lifestyle and am enjoying where I am right now so I changed my answer to ‘no.’

In the next part of the dream, all those that had said ‘yes’ were taken to heaven and the rest of us stayed here on earth to continue life. As four of us were walking down the road, we came to a cattle-guard type crossing, only made of something like 2" X 6" boards standing on their sides about a foot apart. We stepped through them to another level and came to another road. Most of the ground was hard (frozen, maybe) but I found a stick and poked it into a patch of mud. Then I handed the stick to one of the men in our group and said ‘here’s your weapon.’ Several feet down this road, I did the same thing and handed the stick to the other man in the dream saying the same thing.

It was at that point I turned around and realized the road I was now on was a very wide downward slope and I knew it lead to Hell. Terror froze my veins as I realized I had rejected God in the most important decision of my life.

I turned back toward the ‘cattle-guard’ and started to fight my way back through the 12” space trying to get to the other road. Panic helped me get as far as my waist and I was suspended between the two roads. As I realized I was completely stuck, I audaciously cried out:

I want an audience with the King of kings!

**what was the sin that kept me out of heaven? unforgiveness**

Are you ready?

~~the trees of the fields clap their hands...together~~

as i've said before, one of my favorite things God ever did was create nature. i think most of my understanding of Him would not exist if nature didn't.

most recently i've been pondering the forest just outside my windows. we have trembling aspen, spruce, pine and balsom a few steps from any of my doors! they're all mixed together and have their roots deep in the clay. i haven't heard any of them complain about being beside another species. they haven't segregated themselves from the others.

(if you're easily offended, you might want to click the little 'x' in the top right hand corner now)

my question becomes "why can't the Church today be like that?" we all have our roots in One Savior and one redemption. sure, we have different ideas, thoughts and experiences. we will have different revelations of Jesus Christ.

everything in our lives must come back to one thing: Jesus Christ and Him crucified--1 Cor 2:2. when it does, the extraneous is simply that.

~~name calling~~

not many of us want to call our children nasty names. when mrT and i were expecting our children, we were very careful to investigate the meanings of the names before we decided they were the names we wanted. why? because we firmly believe that, although we may be speaking their actual name, we are prophesying the characteristics of the meaning into their lives.

my challenge lately has not been changing their names, but watching my tone because sometimes my voice says a child is stupid, dumb, or less than the gift that God gave me. how terrible. what devastating effects it can have. a sunny disposition can turn thunderous very quickly.

a wonderful piece of advice my mom (i think) gave me is to listen to my words and at the end of a sentence silently add "sweetheart" or "stupid." very quickly one's tone dictates which name your words imply.

like proverbs 15:3 says, 'a soft answer turns away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger.'

i want my interactions with people to be 'sweetheart.' i'm starting at home.

***if you wanna be great...***

in God's kingdom, learn to be the servant of all...

i remember singing my heart out to that song as a child. what i'm hoping to instill in our children is service isn't always boring! Granny needed her lawn raked and we got to have fun doing it. check this fun serving time out.

who knew you could rake a yard with a leaf blower?

it's camoflaged nicely, but there's a geyser of leaves in front of that nozzle.

almost done!!

this wonderful mound of cottonwood leaves is only about half of what we raked & blowed (is that a word?). a few years ago, we had a pile so high, landing in the middle of it hardly hurt at all!

~~in His eyes~~

as I read Rachel's Cinderella's Sandals, i was reminded of a short little story i had written about 10 years ago (i think it was the 'princess' part that triggered the memory.) it speaks to the agonies in each of us.

******************************************

Calloused, strong yet incredibly gentle hands gripped her badly bruised shoulders. She moaned quietly as her body adjusted to the raised position He pulled her into. As she looked at the One who lifted her and whimpered in fear, she cowered expecting yet another reeling blow.

"Fear not, My Child.” Four words.

Four compassionate words.

“I won’t hurt you. I know your pain. I’ve cried your tears. I could not, will not increase your hurt. I’m here to help you heal.”

“Help me heal? You’re a stranger.” Cynical thoughts turned her face away from Him.

“I’ve known you a long time.”

“You know…” her words trailed off as she lost her balance. Once again His strong hands lifted her. Fearing rejection if He saw her bruised, swollen face, she turned away from Him.

“Turn to me.”

“I can’t.”

“Don’t be afraid. Turn to me.” The words, brimming with a love nearly tangible, aroused trust. Violent fits of agony flooded her body as she slowly she moved to face Him. Looking past the discoloration, the lacerations, His gaze pierced the core of her being. She felt his eyes pierce her soul.

Ashamedly she met His gaze only to gasp in amazement. The reflection she saw in His eyes was not of a beaten, abused servant but that of exquisite beauty.

Worship overwhelmed her. “My Lord!”

Lovingly He smiled. “You’re seeing yourself as I see you.”

~~not-so-sweet thoughts~~

since i was pregnant with t2, i have dealt with type 2 diabetes. unfortunately for my poor husband, it was undiagnosed and he lived with a crazy wife for a long time. as i had no idea of the effect sugar and carbohydrates had on glucose levels, i ate & sat, then sat & ate some more. two hours later, i would be out of my mind frustrated and angry at anything and anyone that happened to cross my path at the wrong angle.

so this morning when i had my Bible in hand to read, i had this thought: would the physical diabetes in me be healed if my spiritual diet was balanced?

okay, for those of you who haven't clicked the little 'x' in the top right corner, here's the rest of it.

high glucose levels, in the physical body, are dangerous. not only for the people around you (haha... mood swings and all that), they can be deadly. the little bits of sugar that the insulin is supposed to take out of the blood act like shards of glass in the blood veins. that's bad for any veins, but when it comes down to the tiny ones in eyes, finger/toe tips and the finer details of our mortal beings, it causes great distress like blindness, amputations. (that's why diabetics are asked by docs about numbing).

okay, to the spiritual... just a lot of questions in me, i guess. like this: am i numb? where am i numb? what is my spiritual diet? (confession time: internet, doing anything other than sitting down for devotions like phoning, texting, watching a movie, you can jump in any time here with your's... lol) the apostle paul talks about the 'milk of the word' and 'meat.' do i even know what meat is? how do i balance this meal?

**the hope of it all, of course, is Jesus. the help of it? exercise is one of the best things to lower glucose levels. could it be that 'spiritual exercise' would do the same?**

~~experiencing the Presence of God~~

during the summer, i managed to read books one & two of a four-part series about the origins of Quakerism. two themes have stayed with me: there are 'good' and 'bad' people in any age, culture, or race, and the concept of 'going to meeting.'
that phrase has gripped me. simply put, it's stopping whatever you're doing and quieting yourself before God to meet with Him. definitely not as easy as it sounds. setting my self, thoughts, and plans aside is nothing less than complication in it highest form! anyway, i thought, why not try it? when i had a bit of time by myself...
i stopped.

it took a while for the busyness (and business) in me to stop, but finally a solid Sense of Quiet settled into me and Peace ruled. it was wonderful.
a few days later, i thought, why not lead the children into this Peace? when t4 had gone down for his nap, the other three and i met on the trampoline (so the free-ranging turkeys wouldn't hassle us). after we talked about a few things, i explained what i had been doing and that they could have the same experience with Jesus.
**i have to admit that i had my concerns! for a four-year-old to sit for very long and wait for an Unseen Presence is a lot to ask--of both the child and the Presence! :) inwardly i sent a pistol prayer asking Jesus to be quick.... please**
after we had prayed a little bit, i directed them to sit and be very quiet and wait until i said 'thank you Jesus.'

at about 40 seconds, t3 could hold the wiggles down no longer. after a quick whispered reminder (and a pistol prayer for God to remember a child's time table:) ), he sat a bit more. i only waited a few seconds more before i thanked Jesus for his faithfulness. then i explained what had happened in me during that very short instance.

as i described the deep Peace that had settled into my spirit, missT replied with awe & amazement, "mom! that's how i felt!!"

wow.

i asked t2 if he had heard/felt anything or thought of anything special during that time. no, he hadn't. then t3 provided the comic relief. "i did, mommy! Jesus told me that he loves all the people in the world and that everyone has to give me candy!"

**sigh** isn't that beautiful? i can't wait until i remember to do that again!

~~not paid for this~~

Riding Tornado is my new favorite flick. have any of you watched this movie? it is time well-spent. i mean, it's about a man & his horse (not really his... a stable owner's) ... what more is there to say? even better, it's about a messed up man and his messed up horse and they find healing in trusting each other. you can preview it on amazon.

my 'not-so-cowboy' husband thinks it moved too slowly but in my opinion, it was a good speed for the type of story it is.

one of the favorite concepts presented in it is that so many christians feel that to be healed from brokeness is to be perfect and it's in our brokenness that we are perfected. i love that.

anyway, if you're up for a quiet movie night and need something edifying, here ya go.

~~what keeps me going~~

a few days ago i found a love message that the Lord had given me a couple of years back. in fact, i think it came before the children did! as i read it, i could feel life being drawn from it the way that only Ramah words can give. i think maybe it will encourage you, too.

~~~It isn’t how much you love Me, but that you love me. I don’t want anything more than that. Don’t make things so complicated that you forget about the simple things I enjoy. Your laughter, your singing, your tears, but most of all, I enjoy you. Uncomplicated, unsophisticated you with nothing to hide behind or to cover what you deem unacceptable.

Do you know that most of the things you detest so much about yourself, I have no issue with? You get more concerned about being perfect than I do. Relax. Take your time going through life. Enjoy it. Stop focusing on the product—a perfect life, a good reputation—and enjoy each step of the way. Take time to smell the roses, play in the puddles. Don’t be panicked. You have already been guaranteed a home in Heaven. So, for now, remember that with every step of the journey I’ve gone before you.

                                                                                    ~~~from Jesus

~clouds are the dust of his feet~

when i was (much) younger and still treeplanting, my camp was moving north to the swanell logging camp on the ingenika river. the road had recently been improved which only meant the dust was thicker than ever. as i was turning onto the logging road from the highway, a logging truck blasted by me. i waited a bit for the dust to settle, then turned to join my convoy. i brought up the back of 5 or 6 pick-ups, trailers, and now a logging truck. i managed to stay a distance behind but as the trees closed in along the road, the dust hung in the air. of course you can imagine how quickly it becomes too thick to see through.

all of a sudden i had the heart rocking view of logging truck tail lights WAY TOO CLOSE!!! how could i not have realized how close i was...

...His way is in the whirlwind and the storm,
and clouds are the dust of his feet.
                    Nahum 1:3b

that is my favorite verse.

so many times our view of God is so very clouded. we wonder where He is... at least that's me! so often i hear my thoughts ranting, 'where are you? i've followed you as best as i can...' you know how it goes. :) i like to think it is those moments that i am closest to 'seeing' Him. what a comfort.

...His way is in the whirlwind and the storm,
and clouds are the dust of his feet.
Nahum 1:3b

~nerf wars and counting the cost~

yes, i'm one of those mom's who allow their children to shoot at each other. no, they haven't become more violent in their play or talk because of it. we have rules. for example, if someone doesn't have a nerf gun, they are not fair game and if someone is smaller/shorter/slower than you, they are not prey! they need to be protected.


about a month ago, before the grass in a fenced play area had grown too deep, two cousins came for a sleepover. of course, the request was for the nerf stuff to be taken outside. very reluctantly, i agreed. i mean, would YOU want to search out about 50 nerf bullets in six inches of grass? after making sure the children understood that they, not me, would be finding each and every bullet, they counted out equal numbers of bullets.


out they went.


soon, in they came....


sans bullets.


not so good. the conversation went something like this: (me) did you find them all? (them) no. (me) out you go. (them) but..... (me--mercy is diminishing) go.


they went... then they came.... with a few bullets.


yes, i was exasperated.


after we found all but four, i had to preach a little. "...so, if you guys had known how hard it would be to find all the bullets, would you have asked if you could play nerf wars?"


i got a resounding "NO!"


to which i replied, "so, this makes me think of when the Bible talks about counting the cost of following Jesus. if you knew how hard it would be sometimes to make the right choices and obey Him, would you still have made that decision?"


i'm thankful to have received a decisive 'yes!' from those who had already made the commitment to follow Him. even though they're children, life isn't without its challenges.


i've thought a lot about it. finding nerf bullets was relatively easy compared to the fiery darts the enemy throws at us. i'm sure glad i have a Savior (who) is able to save forever those who draw near to God through him, because he always lives to make intercession for them" (Hebrews 7:25). he's covered the cost.