~~a sweet, sweet sound~~

...I was playing guitar in the middle of the night, just strumming simply like I do. (I don't do anything fancy). I noticed that the sound was much fuller than what I was doing. It was like the guitar was picking all the supporting notes to create a full, reverberating sound. I stopped strumming and the music continued, softening until I started playing... G, D, G, D...

So, thinking about it  this morning, the thought that comes to me is that my natural life as a simple strum, school/mom, school/wife, school/etc is translated into the Spiritual realm as an orchestra. God takes my simple offering of what I can do and fills in the supporting details to make it a beautiful majestic sound in His ear. 

Such He does with Life, eh? 

~~is this you?~~

The visit to see my Physician only confirmed my self-diagnosis. “You have leprosy.” The statement did not frighten me in the physical sense for I knew it was not my flesh he was talking about. The far greater concern in his voice echoed mine, though, knowing it was my spirit he was referring to.

I had been unable to ‘feel’ for some time. It seemed like my spiritual receptors were dull, and in the case with leprosy, may even have fallen off. I felt alienated from others who could feel, ‘sense the Spirit,’ and it seemed my only comrades were those who were afflicted with the same disease I was. Further and further into despair I sank knowing that there was no way out of the abyss. More and more I missed those whose senses were functioning and I found myself longing for just a few words with them. Maybe then I could be encouraged enough to bring light to those afflicted with the same darkness I continued to live in. alas, nothing but solitude. No one was there except a few who were like Job’s friends, encouraging me with sad tales of their own, but not helping me out of the hole.

The worst part was that it felt like recent visits with the Physician had become remote. I wasn’t hoping for much with this visit but, thankfully, this time proved different. As I absorbed his confirmation of my condition, I noticed a verse posted on the office wall, no doubt written by Him. “Come unto me all who are weary and heavy-laden and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn of Me for I am meek and lowly of heart.” That is beautiful, I thought, but how can I when I am as unfeeling as this: how can I learn when I cannot turn the pages because of the numbness in me?

Below the plaque hung a short clipping taken from an article. A story of a man who experienced with the physical form of what my spirit was now afflicted:

     “A man with leprosy came and knelt before him and said, ‘Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean.’

     “Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. ‘I am willing,’ he said. ‘Be clean!’ Immediately he was cured of his leprosy…”

Under my breath I repeated the words, “Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean.”

My Physician looked up from his desk where he was completing the paperwork of my visit. I was surprised to hear him say, “I am willing. Be clean!” He laughed as he stood up, closing my file with hands that were no strangers to hard work. For the first time I noticed blood flowing from wounds in them, covering the document. As each word was touched by the blood, it disappeared as if it had never been written.

A flash of sensation pulsed through my inner being, not stopping at the boundaries of my flesh, but reaching out to the depths of My Healer and His depths reaching back to me.

“I’m clean!” I breathed, “I’m clean!” 

~~old writings, applicable today~~

How can a soul find its own possibilities? Somehow it must force its way past the probabilities and peek into the loneliness of the possible. Standing bravely against possibilities’ closest cousin, the soul must combat Fear with unwavering solidness firmly rooted in its own convictions. Not necessarily oppressing the enemy but continually pressing until Fear is defeated and one can march on into the next phase of what might be. Always aware of the many options, the easier being to turn back to the familiar, the soul knows when t has reached its limits yet knows not exactly what its limits are. Like a woman exhausted from a night of labor, the soul is enabled to access far reaches of survival to bring forth the possible.

cashing in on a little fun

recently while waiting at a local restaurant known for its good food and slow service, we came up with some silly ways to pass the time! grabbing a handful of coins on the way in, we came up with tons of fun. penny basketball, soccer, spinning and, of course, the monocle!!

guess who was the leader of the pack?!

...nope...

...nope...

...uh... maybe...

...nope, but the first to do it THIS way...

...yep... i think he resembles Ozzie here... must be the little 'glasses'...

i'm pretty sure other patrons were jealous of the fun and laughter coming from that far back corner!

~~we're grewsome!~~

here they are...

 the updated photos after running around on a farm all summer. these lovelies have sprouted and changed like nobody's business.

Trygve--5 1/2.

Toben--2 yrs, 3-ish months

Terry--7 and a bit

Teresa--8 1/2.

~~warmin' up after chillin' at the park~~

we had in impromptu trip to the tire shop a few days back. one of the rebellious summer tires refused to stay inflated.

we dropped the vehicle off and headed to the park for a short bit... when we got back, the body language told me:

MOM, WE'RE TOO TIRED!!

~~what's your wing span?~~

Gramma & Aunties

& Uncles & Cousins....

We love you

THIS

much

!!!

~~i had a dream~~

In my dream, even though I could only see a segment of the line, I knew that all of God’s people were lined up shoulder to shoulder. The question “Are you ready?” was posed. Although it wasn’t stated, the inference was ‘to go to heaven.’ As “yes” came from each person’s mouth, a very kind and knowing voice said, “You don’t have to make that decision today.” (As if this were one of the many check points in a Christian’s life.) As I reconsidered my ‘yes’ I realized that no, I was not ready. I have a young family, a healthy lifestyle and am enjoying where I am right now so I changed my answer to ‘no.’

In the next part of the dream, all those that had said ‘yes’ were taken to heaven and the rest of us stayed here on earth to continue life. As four of us were walking down the road, we came to a cattle-guard type crossing, only made of something like 2" X 6" boards standing on their sides about a foot apart. We stepped through them to another level and came to another road. Most of the ground was hard (frozen, maybe) but I found a stick and poked it into a patch of mud. Then I handed the stick to one of the men in our group and said ‘here’s your weapon.’ Several feet down this road, I did the same thing and handed the stick to the other man in the dream saying the same thing.

It was at that point I turned around and realized the road I was now on was a very wide downward slope and I knew it lead to Hell. Terror froze my veins as I realized I had rejected God in the most important decision of my life.

I turned back toward the ‘cattle-guard’ and started to fight my way back through the 12” space trying to get to the other road. Panic helped me get as far as my waist and I was suspended between the two roads. As I realized I was completely stuck, I audaciously cried out:

I want an audience with the King of kings!

**what was the sin that kept me out of heaven? unforgiveness**

Are you ready?

valentine's day crafts

one of the email subscriptions i receive had a neat idea for valentine's day. we made these for a dear friend of ours that we will be visiting on feb 14.

first, we needed 3 basket-style coffee filters stacked together. then we folded them until they were too small to fold.

i wonder if this is his response to the empty stapler. anyway, stapling these near the bottom was the easiest until i ran out of staples. we wrapped paperclips tightly around the base of the flower instead.

next, the filters were separated from each other.

finally pick your favorite paint and dip your creations.

other great craft ideas can be found at www.craftbits.com

~~family updates~~

this little man is 1 year, 7.5 months...

!!!joy!!!

give a boy a shovel...

and they all have somewhere to sit!

(hi, gramma... aunty 'a', cousin 'm', cousin 'j'...)

~~the trees of the fields clap their hands...together~~

as i've said before, one of my favorite things God ever did was create nature. i think most of my understanding of Him would not exist if nature didn't.

most recently i've been pondering the forest just outside my windows. we have trembling aspen, spruce, pine and balsom a few steps from any of my doors! they're all mixed together and have their roots deep in the clay. i haven't heard any of them complain about being beside another species. they haven't segregated themselves from the others.

(if you're easily offended, you might want to click the little 'x' in the top right hand corner now)

my question becomes "why can't the Church today be like that?" we all have our roots in One Savior and one redemption. sure, we have different ideas, thoughts and experiences. we will have different revelations of Jesus Christ.

everything in our lives must come back to one thing: Jesus Christ and Him crucified--1 Cor 2:2. when it does, the extraneous is simply that.

~~of computers and crashes--lessons in practicality~~

recently i learned how hooked on computers, i mean internet, i've become... and how dependent on the efficiency of ms excel!!! let's just say i've learned one thing: back up my info o-f-t-e-n!! madly racing about trying to collect information i thought i had hard copies for is nothing but a pain in the neck. lesson learned, trouble taken, consequences reluctantly accepted. :)

enjoy this winter holiday and catch you on the flip-side.

blessings.

~~name calling~~

not many of us want to call our children nasty names. when mrT and i were expecting our children, we were very careful to investigate the meanings of the names before we decided they were the names we wanted. why? because we firmly believe that, although we may be speaking their actual name, we are prophesying the characteristics of the meaning into their lives.

my challenge lately has not been changing their names, but watching my tone because sometimes my voice says a child is stupid, dumb, or less than the gift that God gave me. how terrible. what devastating effects it can have. a sunny disposition can turn thunderous very quickly.

a wonderful piece of advice my mom (i think) gave me is to listen to my words and at the end of a sentence silently add "sweetheart" or "stupid." very quickly one's tone dictates which name your words imply.

like proverbs 15:3 says, 'a soft answer turns away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger.'

i want my interactions with people to be 'sweetheart.' i'm starting at home.

~~reason to celebrate~~

rejoice with us. :)

last week missT had a follow-up appointment with her paediatrician. at her previous visit, we were finally able to start reducing the clonazepam. she was only taking 2.75mg / day but the effects were strong. with her head full of fog and all processes slowed to a dull roar, how can a kid learn? all she wanted to do was sleep! after a full night's sleep, she would start asking for a nap around 11 30 am and at 6 30 pm she would be begging to be in her pj's. how many 7 1/2-year-olds do you know like that?

the reduction begins..... and, for the first time in 2 years, she didn't ask for a nap in the afternoon. get this... we had only reduced it by .25mg. at that rate, it would take 11 months for her to be completely off the drug. (cold turkey could throw her back into seizures) a month later, after we had gone down yet another .25mg, she actually asked if she could 'please, stay up later.'

so, when we saw the Dr. last week, the first news was that the eeg missT had in july had come back with a 'significant improvement' and was 'normal.' as you can imagine, after 140 seizures in five years, most of them in the last two, i am about to burst!

i love what missT says about the eeg results: 'i am NORMAL!'

thank you, Jesus. (big sigh)

***if you wanna be great...***

in God's kingdom, learn to be the servant of all...

i remember singing my heart out to that song as a child. what i'm hoping to instill in our children is service isn't always boring! Granny needed her lawn raked and we got to have fun doing it. check this fun serving time out.

who knew you could rake a yard with a leaf blower?

it's camoflaged nicely, but there's a geyser of leaves in front of that nozzle.

almost done!!

this wonderful mound of cottonwood leaves is only about half of what we raked & blowed (is that a word?). a few years ago, we had a pile so high, landing in the middle of it hardly hurt at all!

~~nature's beads~~

combine a little girl's love of crafting and nature walks and what do you get?

a snowberry tiara!

(some websites say that snowberries are toxic, others write the snowberries are only inedible due to their taste. our children have each tried them and i have no fear of them ever eating another!)

~~you should try this at home!~~

a few days back we tried a very cool experiment. almost every day since, the children have been begging to do it again! after collecting water bottles, balloons, a funnel, vinegar (acid) and baking soda (base), we prepared by pouring the acid into the bottles to 1/2 full and 2 heaping tablespoons of the base into each balloon.

standing ready.... set....

MIX!!!

(the results were instant... perfect for eager, curious budding scientists)

the balloon expanded until some of the pressure was released through the valve at the bottle.

i think we were all amazed at how simple and fun this could be!

we found that remixing the solution encouraged the reaction.

~~in His eyes~~

as I read Rachel's Cinderella's Sandals, i was reminded of a short little story i had written about 10 years ago (i think it was the 'princess' part that triggered the memory.) it speaks to the agonies in each of us.

******************************************

Calloused, strong yet incredibly gentle hands gripped her badly bruised shoulders. She moaned quietly as her body adjusted to the raised position He pulled her into. As she looked at the One who lifted her and whimpered in fear, she cowered expecting yet another reeling blow.

"Fear not, My Child.” Four words.

Four compassionate words.

“I won’t hurt you. I know your pain. I’ve cried your tears. I could not, will not increase your hurt. I’m here to help you heal.”

“Help me heal? You’re a stranger.” Cynical thoughts turned her face away from Him.

“I’ve known you a long time.”

“You know…” her words trailed off as she lost her balance. Once again His strong hands lifted her. Fearing rejection if He saw her bruised, swollen face, she turned away from Him.

“Turn to me.”

“I can’t.”

“Don’t be afraid. Turn to me.” The words, brimming with a love nearly tangible, aroused trust. Violent fits of agony flooded her body as she slowly she moved to face Him. Looking past the discoloration, the lacerations, His gaze pierced the core of her being. She felt his eyes pierce her soul.

Ashamedly she met His gaze only to gasp in amazement. The reflection she saw in His eyes was not of a beaten, abused servant but that of exquisite beauty.

Worship overwhelmed her. “My Lord!”

Lovingly He smiled. “You’re seeing yourself as I see you.”

~~not-so-sweet thoughts~~

since i was pregnant with t2, i have dealt with type 2 diabetes. unfortunately for my poor husband, it was undiagnosed and he lived with a crazy wife for a long time. as i had no idea of the effect sugar and carbohydrates had on glucose levels, i ate & sat, then sat & ate some more. two hours later, i would be out of my mind frustrated and angry at anything and anyone that happened to cross my path at the wrong angle.

so this morning when i had my Bible in hand to read, i had this thought: would the physical diabetes in me be healed if my spiritual diet was balanced?

okay, for those of you who haven't clicked the little 'x' in the top right corner, here's the rest of it.

high glucose levels, in the physical body, are dangerous. not only for the people around you (haha... mood swings and all that), they can be deadly. the little bits of sugar that the insulin is supposed to take out of the blood act like shards of glass in the blood veins. that's bad for any veins, but when it comes down to the tiny ones in eyes, finger/toe tips and the finer details of our mortal beings, it causes great distress like blindness, amputations. (that's why diabetics are asked by docs about numbing).

okay, to the spiritual... just a lot of questions in me, i guess. like this: am i numb? where am i numb? what is my spiritual diet? (confession time: internet, doing anything other than sitting down for devotions like phoning, texting, watching a movie, you can jump in any time here with your's... lol) the apostle paul talks about the 'milk of the word' and 'meat.' do i even know what meat is? how do i balance this meal?

**the hope of it all, of course, is Jesus. the help of it? exercise is one of the best things to lower glucose levels. could it be that 'spiritual exercise' would do the same?**

~~experiencing the Presence of God~~

during the summer, i managed to read books one & two of a four-part series about the origins of Quakerism. two themes have stayed with me: there are 'good' and 'bad' people in any age, culture, or race, and the concept of 'going to meeting.'
that phrase has gripped me. simply put, it's stopping whatever you're doing and quieting yourself before God to meet with Him. definitely not as easy as it sounds. setting my self, thoughts, and plans aside is nothing less than complication in it highest form! anyway, i thought, why not try it? when i had a bit of time by myself...
i stopped.

it took a while for the busyness (and business) in me to stop, but finally a solid Sense of Quiet settled into me and Peace ruled. it was wonderful.
a few days later, i thought, why not lead the children into this Peace? when t4 had gone down for his nap, the other three and i met on the trampoline (so the free-ranging turkeys wouldn't hassle us). after we talked about a few things, i explained what i had been doing and that they could have the same experience with Jesus.
**i have to admit that i had my concerns! for a four-year-old to sit for very long and wait for an Unseen Presence is a lot to ask--of both the child and the Presence! :) inwardly i sent a pistol prayer asking Jesus to be quick.... please**
after we had prayed a little bit, i directed them to sit and be very quiet and wait until i said 'thank you Jesus.'

at about 40 seconds, t3 could hold the wiggles down no longer. after a quick whispered reminder (and a pistol prayer for God to remember a child's time table:) ), he sat a bit more. i only waited a few seconds more before i thanked Jesus for his faithfulness. then i explained what had happened in me during that very short instance.

as i described the deep Peace that had settled into my spirit, missT replied with awe & amazement, "mom! that's how i felt!!"

wow.

i asked t2 if he had heard/felt anything or thought of anything special during that time. no, he hadn't. then t3 provided the comic relief. "i did, mommy! Jesus told me that he loves all the people in the world and that everyone has to give me candy!"

**sigh** isn't that beautiful? i can't wait until i remember to do that again!