Thursday 20 October 2011

~~in His eyes~~

as I read Rachel's Cinderella's Sandals, i was reminded of a short little story i had written about 10 years ago (i think it was the 'princess' part that triggered the memory.) it speaks to the agonies in each of us.

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Calloused, strong yet incredibly gentle hands gripped her badly bruised shoulders. She moaned quietly as her body adjusted to the raised position He pulled her into. As she looked at the One who lifted her and whimpered in fear, she cowered expecting yet another reeling blow.

"Fear not, My Child.” Four words.

Four compassionate words.

“I won’t hurt you. I know your pain. I’ve cried your tears. I could not, will not increase your hurt. I’m here to help you heal.”

“Help me heal? You’re a stranger.” Cynical thoughts turned her face away from Him.

“I’ve known you a long time.”

“You know…” her words trailed off as she lost her balance. Once again His strong hands lifted her. Fearing rejection if He saw her bruised, swollen face, she turned away from Him.

“Turn to me.”

“I can’t.”

“Don’t be afraid. Turn to me.” The words, brimming with a love nearly tangible, aroused trust. Violent fits of agony flooded her body as she slowly she moved to face Him. Looking past the discoloration, the lacerations, His gaze pierced the core of her being. She felt his eyes pierce her soul.

Ashamedly she met His gaze only to gasp in amazement. The reflection she saw in His eyes was not of a beaten, abused servant but that of exquisite beauty.

Worship overwhelmed her. “My Lord!”

Lovingly He smiled. “You’re seeing yourself as I see you.”

Wednesday 12 October 2011

~~not-so-sweet thoughts~~


since i was pregnant with t2, i have dealt with type 2 diabetes. unfortunately for my poor husband, it was undiagnosed and he lived with a crazy wife for a long time. as i had no idea of the effect sugar and carbohydrates had on glucose levels, i ate & sat, then sat & ate some more. two hours later, i would be out of my mind frustrated and angry at anything and anyone that happened to cross my path at the wrong angle.

so this morning when i had my Bible in hand to read, i had this thought: would the physical diabetes in me be healed if my spiritual diet was balanced?

okay, for those of you who haven't clicked the little 'x' in the top right corner, here's the rest of it.

high glucose levels, in the physical body, are dangerous. not only for the people around you (haha... mood swings and all that), they can be deadly. the little bits of sugar that the insulin is supposed to take out of the blood act like shards of glass in the blood veins. that's bad for any veins, but when it comes down to the tiny ones in eyes, finger/toe tips and the finer details of our mortal beings, it causes great distress like blindness, amputations. (that's why diabetics are asked by docs about numbing).

okay, to the spiritual... just a lot of questions in me, i guess. like this: am i numb? where am i numb? what is my spiritual diet? (confession time: internet, doing anything other than sitting down for devotions like phoning, texting, watching a movie, you can jump in any time here with your's... lol) the apostle paul talks about the 'milk of the word' and 'meat.' do i even know what meat is? how do i balance this meal?

**the hope of it all, of course, is Jesus. the help of it? exercise is one of the best things to lower glucose levels. could it be that 'spiritual exercise' would do the same?**

Friday 7 October 2011

~~experiencing the Presence of God~~

during the summer, i managed to read books one & two of a four-part series about the origins of Quakerism. two themes have stayed with me: there are 'good' and 'bad' people in any age, culture, or race, and the concept of 'going to meeting.'
that phrase has gripped me. simply put, it's stopping whatever you're doing and quieting yourself before God to meet with Him. definitely not as easy as it sounds. setting my self, thoughts, and plans aside is nothing less than complication in it highest form! anyway, i thought, why not try it? when i had a bit of time by myself...
i stopped.

it took a while for the busyness (and business) in me to stop, but finally a solid Sense of Quiet settled into me and Peace ruled. it was wonderful.
a few days later, i thought, why not lead the children into this Peace? when t4 had gone down for his nap, the other three and i met on the trampoline (so the free-ranging turkeys wouldn't hassle us). after we talked about a few things, i explained what i had been doing and that they could have the same experience with Jesus.
**i have to admit that i had my concerns! for a four-year-old to sit for very long and wait for an Unseen Presence is a lot to ask--of both the child and the Presence! :) inwardly i sent a pistol prayer asking Jesus to be quick.... please**
after we had prayed a little bit, i directed them to sit and be very quiet and wait until i said 'thank you Jesus.'

at about 40 seconds, t3 could hold the wiggles down no longer. after a quick whispered reminder (and a pistol prayer for God to remember a child's time table:) ), he sat a bit more. i only waited a few seconds more before i thanked Jesus for his faithfulness. then i explained what had happened in me during that very short instance.

as i described the deep Peace that had settled into my spirit, missT replied with awe & amazement, "mom! that's how i felt!!"

wow.

i asked t2 if he had heard/felt anything or thought of anything special during that time. no, he hadn't. then t3 provided the comic relief. "i did, mommy! Jesus told me that he loves all the people in the world and that everyone has to give me candy!"

**sigh** isn't that beautiful? i can't wait until i remember to do that again!